This evening I had a slight fall in the garden, caused by the big toe, nothing serious but, once again, it has left me flat on my back. It wouldn't feel so bad except, the help this evening is minimal and comes with frustration.
When this happens should I expect anything from anyone? Is it my right to have assistance?
I feel guilty, because mobility is at a minimum and pain levels are increased yet the the first couple of things I asked for were fine. And then once I got into bed and I needed help with the dog I heard huffs.
When one is ill, should a certain amount of expectation exist? Should I expect to be asked if I'm ok? I heard food being cooked and yet have not been asked if I need anything, Or even asked if I'm ok. I am very selfish for thinking that I should be looked after this evening, is it expectation, wanting or hope?
Then other times when I don't need as much help and am offered when I refuse, I am met with huffs for not asking for help. Are you with me so far?
I don't know if this makes sense, but I have tried to teach myself not to ask for help, it's much easier to cope on my own as I don't feel any emotion or type of expectation. I won't feel disappointed by anyone and I don't rely on anyone.
When I called for help and he was on the phone there was no type of rush to check on my welfare. What's happened? Not that I want sympathetic words but just a little stroke on the head and a nod of positivity just to lie it out.
I sound a whinger tonight, and don't know if I have right to feel this way. I can't help wonder if you asked him about this evening if he has any thought of me, or any idea of the emotion running through my veins.
