Ooops..... heart sinks again

This morning I have been asked to help him - which I am happy to do. Problem being every time I am, I'm receiving little abrupt comments which stab straight into my heart. I am trying to keep laughing and playing because this morning, on a personal level, I looked at my body and felt disgusted at the shape and the pain feels like a troll is hanging off my back after he took a rolling pin and battered my body.

These little comments would they really bother me if I wasn't ill? Would I just brush them aside and answer him back if I had more strength? At the moment each one clings to me with the troll and each from each stab my heart is now sinking.

Better plug in the laptop battery is running low.

Thanks for letting me have a whingey whine, again. x

Crazy Emotions

Yesterday, after feeling so low and negative, within hours I felt so much better. Emotions can be so intense and burst into you heart or mind so quickly and take over your body.
Now I feel like an absolute horror for feeling the way I did towards my other half. Today we are laughing and smiling, although I can not help reduce this guilty feeling I possess because of the way I feel towards him sometimes: when he is snappy, short tempered and gets annoyed, at what I believe are the most menial things.

This he said how nice I was for understanding him and what he is doing and apologised for all the above; all I could think was what an absolute horrid wife I am.

Oh well, all is well for the time being, until the next explosive episode of crazy emotions. I could just do with an episode of Midsomer Murders.

Thanks for letting me have a whine. x

Housebound Blues

My mobility has deteriorated over the past couple of months. Once again I find myself on the NHS waiting list, worsening whist I wait for a specialist to help.

At home I am doing what I can, more psychologically, trying to keep my mind active and happy - the more sad I feel, the more pain hurts. But it seems to be a battle at the moment. My other half is preparing for a competition and has a strict diet and training regime.

I am trying really hard so I don't weigh him down with my illness and make him feel sad or upset about my situation, but today when all I wanted to do was see a friend, he became cranky and snappy. Hours later as I sit here typing, I am not even sure what happened and why the conversation turned sour. Whilst he is off training, I am left feeling guilty that I wanted to do something for myself, guilty that I feel so negative towards him and feel really sad. I feel I am trying hard for a relationship as it goes through this period and not to dwell on my own problems. It just feels it has been thrown back in my face.

I avoid telling friends because this seems so trivial yet in my heart it takes up so much room. If I speak to anyone, in their mind I know they will think differently of him. In a few more hours I am sure these emotions will dwindle and I will wonder why I felt this way.

But right now, I just need to air myself. Thanks for listening.